Son of My Heart

I don't talk about life with Jackson much unless you're family. Our journey together has been life altering for both of us. I know there are a lot of you who don't know our story, (ask me someday and I might give you a glimpse), but I will say that our story is a lot like those movies you see of somebody leaving a baby on a doorstep, just put a phone call in between that and the doorstep, the baby is already 2 and you pretty much have the gist, minus the "They lived happily ever after"...we're still working very, very hard on that part. That he was meant to be my son there is no doubt, and that knowledge held close to my heart is what helps us get through most of our days. That and an enormous amount of heavenly help. Why I'm writing about it now (nearly four years after his arrival) I'm not exactly sure, it suprises me probably more than it does those of you (the very, very few of you) who have traveled this journey with us. Maybe because I looked at this picture and saw a real smile on his face that didn't stop at the mouth, but was in his eyes also. He looks like a happy boy! It brings me to my knees when I see it. My son of the heart. My bruised and broken and four-times-abandoned little boy who cringed at my touch, and literally spat in the face of my love and devotion to him. My boy who can now curl up in my lap after his bath at night and on occasion let me rock him and just be with him, relaxed, guard down, allowing himself to love and be loved. I can't describe what a miracle that is. Those moments are getting less and less rare. Sometimes on an exceptionally rare good week they can be daily. Roughly a year after he came to our home I put in the song "You Are Loved" by Josh Groban, picked him up and began to dance. It was the very first time he ever let me love him and from that moment on every time he has heard or hears that song he says "That's my song Mama." Four years later I still spend my days battling for his heart and would be lying if I didn't admit that most days I want to give him a shovel so he can go dig his own hole, but I love my boy Jackson. Come hell or high water I've loved that boy and always will, forever. He has taught me lessons I never could have learned without him. He has profoundly changed my life. Our trek is far from over, but every step we take together is one more step towards our happily ever after. Think of how much sweeter it will be when we arrive knowing what we have journeyed through together. Take a minute to close your eyes and listen to our song that we still dance to together (Josh Groban..."You Are Loved". You can go down to the bottom of this page and click on it in the playlist). It says all that I ever want him to know, that and that he is worth it all. My boy Jackson, my son of my heart.