I Still Believe

Tonight I drove home watching the sun set in a heavenly display of beauty and feeling as close to not being as empty as I have in five years. I watched the golden rays deepen to flaming orange and then into a burning red and my thoughts bounced from my beautiful family to things left unfinished to the most recent white hair I found on my head and back again. From the trivial thoughts of needing a ham as well as a turkey on Thanksgiving to exploring the deepest quiet corners of my soul. I thought about how as a little girl I never dreamed of being a princess or having a knight in shining armor come to rescue me. My dreams were always of being a good and kind queen with my own sword and my own horse fighting just as hard alongside the knight. Needless to say I had a very vivid imagination, I just don't think I was ever very vocal about it. I thought about all the things I believed in then, and all the things that in spite of the turbulence that life brings I still believe in. I still believe in dreaming big. I still believe that good will ultimately prevail over evil. I still believe that age is a state of mind and that laughter is definately the best medicine. I still believe that potato cakes are one of the worst foods ever and is only trumped by asparagus. I still believe that all the countless hours I spent just holding my babies and memorizing their faces was worth every unwashed dish and pile of dirty laundry. I still believe that the smallest actions can have the most profound effects. That taking a spare 10 seconds to pick up something that someone else has dropped for them is still a necessary kindness. I still believe that taking the time to wave to that one boy who looks pretty rough sitting outside waiting on the van that will take him to alternative school every morning is worth it. It may be the only friendly gesture he receives that day. I still believe that every sincere smile given may be just that one little boost someone might need to carry on for one more step. Every pat on the back doesn't necessarily have to be earned, but may be enough to propel someone on to do just that. And in a world where we are fast becoming more disconnected with each other, more afraid of our actions being "misconstrued", I still believe in taking someone's hand, an arm around the shoulder, a warm hug, and I still believe in the power of a gentle touch. I still believe in believing in others, even when they have failed a thousand times, but that you don't have to be stupid about it. I still believe that it is almost never too late. I still believe in letting go of hurt and forgiving, even when those who hurt don't want it. And I still believe that one good heart can make a profound difference in the world if it is put into action, whether through tiny acts or big ones or both. I still believe in not being too afraid to believe. I still believe that opening my heart even knowing that there's a pretty good chance it might get hurt is worth the risk. I still believe I could do so much more.