First Day of School

I love first day of school pictures. I love to see how much Erika grows from year to year as I look back through them. It was such fun to take two sets of first day of school pictures this year. I think this is the first picture I've gotten of Kail where he hasn't been making a face since he was about two. (You'll notice he didn't make it through the photo session without needing to make at least one face...he's too much like his Daddy and Uncle Son for that) Erika and Kail were busting at the seams with grins and excitement...what a fun morning! But I saved my favorite picture for last. I wanted a picture of Kail with his teacher "Miss" Tracy...but he was so embarassed I barely got him to stand next to her! It was hilarious. I absolutely love the look on his face!

Standing in line waiting to meet her our conversation went something like this...
Kail: "Mom, my teacher's name is Miss Lacy."
Me: "No, it's Miss Tracy."
Kail: "Yeah, Miss Tracy."
30 seconds pass
Kail: "Mom, my teacher's name is Miss Macy."
Me: "No bud, it's Miss Tracy."
Kail: "Yeah, Miss Tracy."
30 more seconds pass
Kail: "Mom, my teacher's name is Miss Lacy."
Me: "No buddy, it's Miss Tracy."
Kail: "Yeah, Miss Tracy."
30 more seconds
Kail: "Mom! My teacher's name is MISS TRACY!"
Me: "Yes! It's Miss Tracy!"

I can hardly wait for all the tales of Fifth Grade and Kindergarten!

I Blinked

Friday was a half day back to school for Erika and Kindergarten registration for Kail. They both start full blast tomorrow. Life is funny. One of the things God blessed me with was the ability to enjoy the moment and appreciate it while it is happening. One of the few things I have done right as a mother starting with the day Erika was born was not take a second with her for granted, and as the rest have come along with them either. When Erika started Kindergarten I missed her terribly. She had been my side-kick for five years. My buddy. But I wasn't sad when she started school. I hadn't missed out on anything with her, and had soaked up every minute spent with her. Though the days were too quiet, and I missed her, I was okay with her starting school. It was because I hadn't missed out on anything with her. I had zero regrets. This time around has been a completely different story. Kail's starting Kindergarten has been, while exciting and wonderful for him (and I am excited for him and can't wait to see his little mind explode) I have found that try as I might to blow it off or just downright try to ignore it, I am grieving that the time has come for him to take his first steps out of the nest. I am grieving for the time stolen away with him. I'm grieving for the moments that he asked me to read him a book and I had to turn him away because bigger, louder, angrier, more needy wheels were squeaking. I am grieving for the quiet times on my lap that came to abrupt ends by events that neither he nor I had control over. I am grieving for the moments that I should've been watching him after he called out "Mama! Look at me!", but had to turn my head and watch an entirely different scenario instead. I am grieving that this little boy who has more pure love in his little heart than most people have in a sliver of their little fingernail has not had a hundreth of what he deserves in return. Those years are gone. They cannot be reclaimed. And though I pathetically did the very best I could, I cannot say that I have zero regrets. Though I soaked up and treasured the moments I did have with him, I cannot say that they were enough. As Erika returns to school this year I have a number of the same feelings about her. I am watching my beautiful little girl stand at the very last edge of being a little girl. It leaves me speechless. Even though I had her first seven years with no regrets, she too has had four years of sweet moments stolen away. And I find myself becoming more and more selfish of the time I have with them. And more and more "projects" are shelved that will have to wait. And saying "no" to everyone else is becoming easier and easier. And I cling more and more to my hope in the power of Christ's atonement to fill in where my best has not measured up. And I understand what is to have my heart walking around outside of my body. And I am grateful for the precious moments we have had, and even more for the ones to come that I am determined not to miss. I blinked, and the years are gone.